Aging with Courage

Aging is the reality of life. How to age gracefully and with courage is one of the challenges we all face. Unfortunately, all too often, when we think of aging we have thoughts of dementia, nursing homes, palliative care.

In other words our main concern is with dying.

But what about aging positively and living with grace? Following are some reflections on aging and mortality that we at True Compassion Advocates hope you will find helpful.

In a culture obsessed with youth and vitality, wired to 24/7 technology, and surrounded by frenetic activity, it can be difficult to hear the music that is soundless, to hearken to the language of the heart, to awaken the intellect to ponder the ageless questions that have occupied the minds and hearts of women and men for millennia past. Across continents and as long as there have been people, we humans have gathered together to explore meaning and to wonder at the age-old questions: Why am I here? What is the meaning of my life? What will become of me?

In simpler times, when neighborhoods and communities were intact and families were nuclear rather than far-flung, it was easier to osmose the learned intergenerational wisdom needed to travel healthfully into aging and on towards death. Today, the fragmentation of family and the dissolution of community have left us bereft of the wisdom infrastructure we need to accomplish our age-old tasks-the tasks necessary for us to live fully and with courage whatever time lies between now and eternity. More >>

In facing our mortality and the process of our own aging, how many of us have felt all alone at times, bereft of courage, stripped of strength, set adrift in a sea of loss, horizons empty of lasting hope? How many of us have stood next to the bed of a loved one, watching helplessly the ravages of illness or the suffering of intense loss, wondering how it is that they, and we, will make it from one day, and one month, to the next?

It may be that a day, a week, or even a month or more goes by without the experience of anxiety or deep loneliness. But then, set off by any number of things-it might be a sight, a smell, an association -the sorrows and disappointments of the past seep back in, flooding our lives. It is during these times that memories and mentors can help us become resilient, discover and rediscover sources of strength that have anchored our lives in past storms, and which can, if remembered, anchor our lives once more. More >>

An extraordinary public exchange of letters between two Canadians over the past six months has illuminated in a very personal way the profound issues posed by death and all that leads to it. Ian Brown, who writes for the Globe and Mail, has a disabled son, Walker. Jean Vanier is the founder of L'Arche, a world-wide organization that provides a refuge and life-long home for intellectually disabled people. In their latest exchange of letters Brown asked Vanier, "Are you fearful of death?" Vanier replied, "No, I cannot say I am".

This letter brought to mind many issues that I struggled with in a speech I gave recently in Ottawa called, "Dying as the Last Great Act of Living". In it I explored the impact that legalizing euthanasia might have on the possibility of our experiencing death as such an act.

Some of the issues I examined were our fear of mystery and uncertainty, the nature of the "human spirit", what an ethics of respect for human potentiality and its fulfillment would require in our treatment of old or dying people, and the role of hope in our lives and death. More >>

We each have but one life to live, and to give, though most days it seems neither precious nor wild. But it is our life-our one life. And no matter how many days, weeks, months, or years are left in it, our one life is precious. When faced with a life-changing illness-or the reality of aging and eventual death-many people decide to 're-group and re-evaluate' both their priorities and their way of life.

And that is good.

Because, in the normalcy of every-day routine, we can become mired in 'not seeing the forest through the trees.' In fact, amid the hustle and bustle and scheduled chaos of daily life, we often miss both the forest and the trees. And our myopic culture, with its narrow vision of what it means to be human, doesn't help. More >>

This book resource list is not in any way meant to be a comprehensive list of materials related to facing one's mortality-though some do address this subject directly. Rather it is designed simply as an aid to further reflection for those who may wish to explore the matter with greater depth. More >>